Positive Mind
.......TAKE 5
‘Happiness is a perfume which you
cannot pour on someone
without getting some on yourself.’
Ralph Waldo Emerson
…… Take 5
I was in the kitchen the other day making myself a cup of tea; a break from the torturous, rigorous nature of my work (i.e. tapping away at a keyboard, placing one word after the next) – I had already slaved over my latest piece for a full twenty minutes in helpless obedience before my mind wandered off. It’s then I find myself unconsciously counting the slots in the ventilation panel on the front of my computer, and I know it’s time for a short rest.
As I swilled the teabag around the cup, what was the indistinguishable burble of a perfectly normal conversation on the other side of the fence, suddenly became a blazing argument with more swearing than you could possible imagine.
I’ll spare you the expletives; but the rest of the argument went something like this -
SHE: “I am a woman and I have no idea why you don’t think like me!”
HE: “I’m a bloke (man, whatever) and I have no idea what you are talking about?”
BOTH: “This is going to be a period when we both hurl a lot of abuse at each other, most of which we don’t mean and will probably regret later.”
HE: “That’s it I’m leaving you!”
SHE: (arms folded, looking cross and dejected simultaneously) “Go on walk away again!”
etc
He storms off, gets in car and drives off at high speed.
NEIGHBOUR: (that’s me) goes back to office clutching a now cold cup of tea, sits in front of computer screen and continues counting the ventilation slots on front of computer whilst considering the next word!
Have you had one of those moments where you get caught up in a discussion that gets you so irritated, so agitated you blow a gasket! Or rushed into making a decision only to realize it was a big mistake – well haven’t we all; and probably more often than we would like to admit.
Psychologists say that lively debate in a marriage (or any partnership), keeps the relationship fresh; on it’s toes so to speak – but it seems the couple next door agreed on nothing at all – not this morning anyway. I read somewhere that here in the UK we have the fourth highest divorce rate in the world, about two in five marriages end this way, with around 160,000 helpless victims - children under 16 - left with a very changed living environment that in the majority of cases cannot be called an improvement.
But there is a simple process that will help stop us creating unreasonable arguments and making irrational decisions, it will ensure the ability to stay cool even in the most heated of moments; and I’m sure if we could all embrace this simple concept, the thoughts, actions and consequences of divorce and separation, in fact any tense situation, would be greatly reduced.
So what is this wonderfully simple concept? ……… Take 5. That’s it, that’s all we have to do – it really works, so give it a try! ……Take 5.
But first let me give you a little more explanation. …. Take 5 is about taking a moment to stop, it’s about pressing the pause button; allowing time to reflect and find a solution; to make the right decision or take the most reasonable course of action. It’s a simple technique that will cure the toughest, most challenging situations, and prevent us from rushing headlong into something we may later regret. It might not be as serious as ending a relationship, but once practiced it will help in any situation of any magnitude.
Every single day we face new and pre-existing situations and challenges, there may be conflicts and confrontations; big and small decisions to make; and the goal to which we should all aspire, is making these as smooth and as right as possible.
Unfortunately many of us simply react to circumstances, and when we do this without pause for thought, we can quickly ruin an otherwise beautiful day.
Pausing for a moment is about allowing that subconscious part of ourselves the chance to guide us to the best solution. But when we are constantly reacting to situations and events, the focus is not on finding a pleasant resolution, but on fighting our corner regardless of the outcome or the emotional response.
The problem of responding in this way is that it paralyses our ability to create the life we really want. We shackle our conscious and subconscious mind so we cannot be properly guided.
So what’s the best we can do the next time we’re being confrontational, or someone else may be, or angry, or irritated – simply pause and …..Take 5.
Taking 5 can be simply that; but we can take all the time needed, after all it’s our life, our decision. When events force us to rush into making a decision, the chances of getting it wrong are greatly magnified, so we must never allow ourselves to be coerced. Taking 5 gives us time to think about what we really want to happen, and the positive effects the right outcome will have. Then take a deep breath and trust that somewhere in those unfathomable depths of our subconscious mind the wisdom and guidance needed for the greatest outcome will appear.
Lets look at this in more detail. Stopping, then Taking 5 will create a more relaxed state and ease the situation; you will begin to feel empowered again because you are not reacting, you’re taking control – creating what you want and need. You will no longer feel irritated or angry, and you’ll stop that stream of negative mind chatter that saturates our thinking in tense and emotional situations. Your mind will have time to create a focus on solutions, allowing you to take control. You can do this when everything’s fine too, don’t wait for things to spiral out of control or look like they might.
Above all it’s about trusting that your subconscious mind will come up with the goods, it will I promise if you’ll only trust it and believe in it. Just like you believe and trust it will continue to make your heart beat as regularly as it always has, and the next breath you take will be followed by another; it will also find the best solution to any situation you find yourself in.
Now I had better update you on the big argument over the fence. Again I went a little bleary eyed and this time found I was mindlessly watching the counter on my tape recorder click round and round and round, which is weird because I haven’t used it for ages.
As I made my tea I could hear laughing next door, not merely a single nervous chuckle, but a full hearty belly-full of laughter, not solely from him, but her too. They had obviously taken some time to think about what had happened and managed to turn things around before it spiraled away from them hideously and uncontrollably. I had to admire them because they had taken the best natural remedy available, and that is smiling and laughing; it’s changed their whole outlook on the previous events of that day.
Laughter really is the best medicine, even when you’re feeling a little grumpy, or tired or sad, try smiling even if you have to force yourself, it will lift your whole mood and you’ll feel more refreshed and happy. Try smiling, it will make you smile, and if you don’t believe me have a go. Your spirit needs a break from the serious pace of modern living and both your conscious and subconscious mind need a break from all that seriousness too. Smiling is infectious, smile and it’ll make others smile too, they won’t be able to help themselves. Hearing the raucous laughter next door has made me feel better, and I can put the china back on the shelf of the adjoining wall in the lounge safe in the knowledge it will still be up there in the morning.
‘Anger is momentary madness.’
Horace